Saying Goodbye... My message to the kids

Tomorrow I asked to give a short message at church as an opportunity to say goodbye to everyone before I leave on Tuesday. The following is that message (in English):

***
How has it been almost a year!? I am going to do my best to say all of this without crying, but you can pray for me quietly right now that I can stay strong.

My time at Remember Nhu has changed my life forever. I grew up in a Christian church and had a lot of Christian friends, just like all of you do now. When I left home and went to college I wanted to make new friends, and find my own identity, separate from my family. After only a few months, I stopped going to church and started getting into some bad things. For the next few years, I was not a very good person, and I had a bad heart. My life was empty. Then, thankfully, God called to me. I heard him speak to me that I needed to move back home and change my life. I didn’t deserve the fact that He saved me, it was pure grace. That was four years ago. I started going to church again, I started reading the Bible everyday, and something changed. I was SO excited about God. I was learning to let the Holy Spirit guide my life… He was teaching me how to be a better person, how to love people. I had a good job, great friends, a church where I really felt God’s presence.

And then last year, He told me to come here. It was a completely different plan than what I expected, but I knew that it was the desire of my heart to come. In college, I had studied International Business, and the idea that I could use my mind to help God’s Kingdom was so humbling. I felt like he confirmed that to me with the verse Psalm 37:4-6. It was the desire of my heart to be here, and you were the cause that I wanted to shine. I don’t know why God chose me to come here to be with you, but I am SOOO thankful that He did.

I didn’t really know what to expect when I got here, I knew a little bit about you, but only from the Remember Nhu website, and I had never been to Asia before. In a very short time, I fell in love with this place. I love all my girls, and now my boys. In my heart, you are mine! I love the community and the life that you have on this property.

I want you to know that I believe with ALL of my heart and my mind, that God CHOSE each and every one of you to be here. He CHOSE YOU. He chose me, even though I definitely don’t deserve it. He knows all of our thoughts – good and bad. He knows all the things we do – good and bad. And he chooses us anyways. Psalm 139: 1-6. Later I want you to read the whole chapter and know that this is about you! You are here because God has a special plan for your life. He loves you so much and He has brought you to this home, to this family for a reason.

My first few months here were amazing, but also hard sometimes. It is difficult to travel to a different country, not understand the language, and not feel like you have anyone that really understands your heart. But God taught me in that time to not rely on people, even the best people, the most loving people, are in the end sometimes going to fail you. God will never fail you. He will never leave you. He taught me in way this year that was so personal, so close to my heart. He was truly the friend that walked alongside me every step of the way. I pray that you experience Jesus that way. With Jesus, you can never be alone. He will fill your heart, and provide you with joy and hope in every circumstance. He loves us all so much.

I have been so thankful to God for bringing me here. You have taught me so much about what it means to trust God. You have taught me what gratefulness and unconditional love looks like. You have taught me to be a good steward of what I have been given. You have taught me that there is family in Jesus no matter where you are or what language you speak.

In the next few days I am going to Cambodia to spend a few days with Nhu before I go back to America. Please pray for Nhu, I know that she has been missing everyone here and is feeling lonely. After that I know that God wants me to go back to America for a while. I am excited to see my family and my friends, and people from my church. I have missed them so much. But I tell all of them, that it is so hard for me to leave here! I am still not sure what I will do when I get home, but I know that God knows. He has taught me, even more this year, to trust him when I don’t know what to expect or have a plan.

In that, I would really appreciate your prayers. That you would ask God to help direct me when I get back to America about what to do next. I need to find a job, and get used to living in America again. And I know that many of you are already praying for my husband to come – keep it up :). I have told some of you, but I will say it again. I might be old for not being married – 26 in Asia I know is SO old. But I promise all of you who are young and want to get married that it is worth the time to wait for a good man (or woman for the boys). I am waiting for a man who loves Jesus. Not who just says he is a Christian, but who really believes and loves with all his heart. I am waiting for a man who is a leader, and is strong, and who will support my heart for missions (and hopefully he will be handsome). I trust God that if He wants me to be married, he can help that man find me. I hope and pray that each of you would trust in the Lord and wait as well. It will be worth it and I will be praying for you too :)!

I feel comfortable saying this to you because you have become my family this year. You are my parents, my sisters, my brothers, just as real as my actual family in America. When I am here, I miss them. When I am there, I will miss you! It makes me so excited for Heaven when we will all be together again. We will all be together. We will worship and love together and our different culture and language will never be a problem.

Whether I see you again before Heaven or not is up to Jesus. I will be praying that He allows me to come back at some time, and I hope you will pray too. But you must know that I will always think of you in my prayers – for the rest of my life. Even fifty years from now, when we are all old, and I am really old… I will still think of you, because you changed my life. You have each touched my heart. Every single person in this room holds special memories for me, and every time I think of you, I will pray for you.

Ephesians 3:20-21.

I love you forever. <3

Dare to Dream... Again

Up until a week or two ago I was 100% unsure of what my life was going to look like when I return home to the USA just before Christmas. No car, no job, no idea of what direction I want to take with my life. My ideas about what I want my life to look like have been radically re-shaped this year and I know that it will probably take me a little while to transition back into American culture. In many ways, I am a walking contradiction when I think about the different things I want.

As someone who is a planner, and never really steps into a season before it has been fully planned out (I had my job at Enterprise lined up six months before I graduated) – I have had a strange peace about going home and having no idea what I am doing with my life. People may say that I am a ‘bum’ or that I am being irresponsible – but in my eyes, if there is one thing God has taught me this year, it is to trust Him in the unknown.

I have had a couple different ideas brewing in my mind of possible things that I can start looking into when I get back, but nothing concrete – all just potential potentials J. In some ways that has been good because it has allowed me to keep my focus here – to live in the moment with my kids while I still have time to do so.

THEN… last week I was re-reading a card that a friend from home sent me. She wrote: “You are an incredible example to me of someone living life by faith and daring to dream big with God.” The first time I read that, I had glossed over it as a nice thought from a good friend. The second time I read it – it sunk into my heart. I realized that I was not living up to this! I am here because I allowed myself to dream in the LORD last year and He moved in ways I would have previously thought impossible. Somewhere along the road this year, I had lost sight of that lesson, and had forgotten to trust God with things that seemed out of my reach. That morning, I began letting myself dream again - some reoccurring, some new or re-shaped.

I am now SO excited about some of the things that are in the works over the next few months. Lord Willing, I will be going on three short-term missions trips (Cambodia, Haiti, and back here to Thailand), and will be volunteering for the Missions Admin team at Solid Rock. I am excited to be based in America and plan to soak up time with friends, family, and church community. But I know that my heart still lies in international missions. The idea of being at home is energizing, but the idea of still being sent out is electrifying.

He is reviving me all over again and showing me that He can give me more than I can ever ask or imagine if I let HIM work out the details and stop worrying about how it's not possible. I find myself so blessed to serve a Master who delights in our joy and longs to bring glory to himself by giving us the desires of our heart, when our hearts are aligned with His. SOOO awesome ~ I feel so spoiled!

I still clearly don’t have everything figured out (a car and a job are still major prayer requests), but I know where my heart lies. I have direction regarding what is important to me, and everything else will just be details, and will probably change shape anyways as I re-transition back into life in the US.

                  

Trusting Him, and excited to continue to step out in faith daring to dream…

ThAnKsGivInG

I like food… a lot. Most people know this about me. Food is one of the things I miss about home (all of you that talk about Chipotle and post pictures of the food you made for dinner on your Facebook status’ kill me…).
This year – Thanksgiving in Thailand is still about food J and thanks to some of the other local missionaries we had all the traditional dishes!!!...

But more than that, I also want it to be marked by thankfulness. The girls in our homes call Thanksgiving “Thanks God Day” since clearly they don’t really care about pilgrims and turkey on the other side of the world. Everyone in this home, myself included, has so much to be thankful for. 

 

A House Full of Amazing Girls

(photo credit to Heather Hurt, Calluna Photography - www.callunaphotograpy.com)

The fact that my passion is my job!

 

A LORD who delights in giving us the desires of our heart

(photo credit to Heather Hurt, Calluna Photography - www.callunaphotograpy.com)

Precious Faces

 

Sunrises in Paradise

(photo credit to Heather Hurt, Calluna Photography - www.callunaphotograpy.com)

Solid Rock - A Jesus Church - a fellowship that is after the heart of God, and has changed mine <3

Lovely, Wonderful Friends

Not to mention REDEEMING LOVE <3, my FAMILY & FRIENDS back home, 

and the other million things I don't have space to post...

Two Homes in Opposite Worlds

Ten months into my time here and I finally truly feel that this is home. Driving a moto on the left side of the street is normal, my Thai language skills are relatively strong and I can hold my own in conversation, I have adjusted to the food and the weather, I don’t think twice about most of the cultural things that were originally so foreign.

As I have been feeling more settled, I have also had more opportunity to develop deeper relationships with the high school girls and some of the Thai staff members. I have loved having conversations with them about life and the Lord and our struggles. I love talking to the girls about what it looks like to wait patiently for a godly husband - To hope and trust that God has a plan for their marriage and never to settle. I love talking to the Thai staff about different things we are learning and going through. The relationships that I have are rooted and strong, and I love being able to share my heart with the people I live with. AND NOW IM SUPPOSED TO GO HOME!?

I have so many mixed emotions about leaving in a month. On one hand, I am SO! excited to spend the holidays with my family and to see my friends, and to be in church community – I have missed that incredibly. And on the other hand – how the heck am I supposed to leave these kids, who are now MY kids, and the staff here who have become my family and friends. This is my home too!

No resolution on this post because that is kinda where I’m at right now… searching, praying, having a home in two worlds…

My BoYz!!!

As of October, we have a new boys home on our property! We have been waiting with eager expectancy for their arrival and within a very short time, I have just as much love for these boys as I do for the girls I have been with all year. Something about boys tugs at my heartstrings…

There are eight young men that now call Remember Nhu their home, and they range in age from 6 to12. Several of them were previously being sponsored by our organization to help pay for their basic needs as we waited to have a physical home they could come to. It is so obvious that they are overjoyed to be here and that they are so thankful to be in this environment. What a blessing to provide for these little guys!!!

(Photo credit on this picture to Heather Hurt, Calluna Photography - www.callunaphotography.com)

When I returned from Phuket/Koh Samui in early November, I was sitting at church and one of the boys (9 years old) walked in, saw me, LIT up, and ran over to give me a hug. He asked to sit by me and told me that he was so excited because he thought I had gone home with the Solid Rock team - melted my heart!!! This little man is so precious! Everyday he comes home and starts his homework without being asked “so that he can play soccer as much as possible after dinner” and consistently tells me that I have pretty fingernails. Hahaha ~ Lil flirt J

I have loved getting to know them individually. We have been playing soccer, digging in the dirt for bugs, and running around etc… – yay boy stuff! “snakes and snails and puppy dog tails… that’s what little boys are made of ” ~ hahaha. I honestly could care less what we do though, I am completely wrapped around their fingers!

In a short time I have had so many memorable experiences with these guys! Between taking them to pro soccer games with some of the other staff members, and fireworks nights (for those of you who know me well, you know that this is one of my favorite things ever), I find myself repeatedly counting my blessings. What a joy to spoil them. It blesses my heart to see how grateful they are - so in awe of what they have been given. It is SO FUN to show them that they are loved, they are cherished, and that they do have a hope for the future. The fact that I get to share in their story is a blessing in itself. 

I’m in love with all of them…  <3

(Photo credit on this picture to Heather Hurt, Calluna Photography - www.callunaphotography.com)

The Best of Both Worlds!

*Note: Check out a picture collage that goes with this post 

@ www.callunaphotography.com!!!

October 24th through November 4th – a team of 18 people from Solid Rock (my church in Oregon) came to Thailand to serve with Remember Nhu on a short-term missions trip. They came to learn the culture, to help work on our new property, and to love on all the kids here. What they didn’t know was that I had been anticipating their arrival for months!
The idea that some of my friends, and a team from my home were going to be HERE was like a dream come true – the best of both worlds!!! The first few days that they were here, I was literally giddy. I couldn’t sleep, and I was reveling…. Being able to have deep conversations (in English!), doing group devotionals and worship time – it was all so refreshing. I think I probably told everyone a billion times how I felt so blessed to have them here.

The longer that they were here, the more encouraged I was to see their heart for this ministry, and these children. In a matter of two weeks, I had a group of people who understood a glimpse of my life, who shared my heart for this place and these people. In a selfish way, I have been so thankful to finally feel known. To have people who have seen what my life looks like first hand, and not who have just heard about it. To have a group of people from my community at home who now care just as much about “my kids” as I do. What joy…

God is definitely moving in this ministry. He is upholding the cause of the poor and the orphan- rescuing His children from injustice, and it is so fun to be a part of the work that He is doing! It amazes me how He calls us each individually to partner with Him in bringing the Kingdom of Heaven into the here and now - so humbling to be a part of this story.

  

(Pics of dancing at a village &  playing 'heads-up seven-up')

Solid Rock has been teaching a series lately on what it looks like to be salt and light to the world based on the verses in Matthew 5:13-16. This is what it looks like… Living on mission together - encouraging one another, and fighting together for a common cause. This season I have had a taste of what that is like and it is addicting. We are made to live that way and I pray that I may continue to do that every day of my life – even as it changes shape and season.

Check out the Team’s Blog (4 posts total) with their thoughts during the trip…
http://www.hearthecry.com/category/cambodia-thailand/

Community

“I found it hard to realize divine things. I was more tried with desires after the world, than for two years past… the prospect of leaving all the comforts and the communion of saints… weighed heavy on my spirit. My heart was almost ready to break.” ~ Henry Martyn, missionary to India in 1806 (Let the Nations Be Glad, p95)

Somehow, this excerpt from Martyn’s journal, as melancholy as it is, I find so encouraging! Knowing that the thoughts, emotions, and struggles I am facing are nothing new gives me a renewed strength. I am not alone. People have undergone the same things (and honestly, way worse – no Skype, Facebook, email ahh!), and did so with joy knowing it was for the sake of the gospel. Despite the fact that this was written by a man over 200 years ago, nothing much has changed. I miss the "comforts" (hot showers, soft bed, mom’s cooking) and “the communion of saints” – my family and friends!!!  I understand his heart here so clearly.

When I was home I told a lot of people that the hardest thing about this time has been a lack of companionship. I deeply missed living alongside community and having someone to share my life with. I desired someone who would understand and encourage me in moments of difficulty and discouragement. I needed a Barnabus!

HE HAS ANSWERED THAT PRAYER! Threefold! (God is that awesome)! Two weeks after coming back to Asia, God delivered me a new roommate. Sheri is a fifty year old, widowed nurse, and is gifted in all the ways I am lacking. She is an amazingly strong woman who is teaching me what it looks like to walk with the Lord in every stage and season of life.  What an awesome example of a prayer intercessor and it has been awesomely refreshing to learn from someone who is content in her singleness (as much as I love my girls back home, sometimes I think we make it harder on each other!)!  AND, even as I write this, Beth and Brian, a young missionary couple who served on the World Race last year, are moving into Carl and Laurie’s apartment next door (until they return at the end of the month). Friends and Mentors all under my roof! Thank you Jesus. <3

This year has taught me a couple things about community. #1 – Ultimately, God is enough. When everything else is stripped away, and all that is left is the Lord, you find yourself desperate for Him, and He will answer - He is more than enough, and will be faithful to satisfy you completely in Himself.  He never wants us to feel alone or discouraged, and He is a constant companion, an intimate friend, someone who knows my heart better than I even do, and He promises comfort and unconditional love. 

But… #2 – We are meant to live in community and I can honestly say that I value my family, my church family, and my friends more than I ever have in my life. There are no words to properly display how blessed I feel to be a part of something so good. I miss you all very much, and am so thankful for every one of you. Thank you for your love, your prayers, your encouragement. You are infinitely valuable and I am grateful for you beyond what I can express.

Love <3