Saying Goodbye... My message to the kids

Tomorrow I asked to give a short message at church as an opportunity to say goodbye to everyone before I leave on Tuesday. The following is that message (in English):

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How has it been almost a year!? I am going to do my best to say all of this without crying, but you can pray for me quietly right now that I can stay strong.

My time at Remember Nhu has changed my life forever. I grew up in a Christian church and had a lot of Christian friends, just like all of you do now. When I left home and went to college I wanted to make new friends, and find my own identity, separate from my family. After only a few months, I stopped going to church and started getting into some bad things. For the next few years, I was not a very good person, and I had a bad heart. My life was empty. Then, thankfully, God called to me. I heard him speak to me that I needed to move back home and change my life. I didn’t deserve the fact that He saved me, it was pure grace. That was four years ago. I started going to church again, I started reading the Bible everyday, and something changed. I was SO excited about God. I was learning to let the Holy Spirit guide my life… He was teaching me how to be a better person, how to love people. I had a good job, great friends, a church where I really felt God’s presence.

And then last year, He told me to come here. It was a completely different plan than what I expected, but I knew that it was the desire of my heart to come. In college, I had studied International Business, and the idea that I could use my mind to help God’s Kingdom was so humbling. I felt like he confirmed that to me with the verse Psalm 37:4-6. It was the desire of my heart to be here, and you were the cause that I wanted to shine. I don’t know why God chose me to come here to be with you, but I am SOOO thankful that He did.

I didn’t really know what to expect when I got here, I knew a little bit about you, but only from the Remember Nhu website, and I had never been to Asia before. In a very short time, I fell in love with this place. I love all my girls, and now my boys. In my heart, you are mine! I love the community and the life that you have on this property.

I want you to know that I believe with ALL of my heart and my mind, that God CHOSE each and every one of you to be here. He CHOSE YOU. He chose me, even though I definitely don’t deserve it. He knows all of our thoughts – good and bad. He knows all the things we do – good and bad. And he chooses us anyways. Psalm 139: 1-6. Later I want you to read the whole chapter and know that this is about you! You are here because God has a special plan for your life. He loves you so much and He has brought you to this home, to this family for a reason.

My first few months here were amazing, but also hard sometimes. It is difficult to travel to a different country, not understand the language, and not feel like you have anyone that really understands your heart. But God taught me in that time to not rely on people, even the best people, the most loving people, are in the end sometimes going to fail you. God will never fail you. He will never leave you. He taught me in way this year that was so personal, so close to my heart. He was truly the friend that walked alongside me every step of the way. I pray that you experience Jesus that way. With Jesus, you can never be alone. He will fill your heart, and provide you with joy and hope in every circumstance. He loves us all so much.

I have been so thankful to God for bringing me here. You have taught me so much about what it means to trust God. You have taught me what gratefulness and unconditional love looks like. You have taught me to be a good steward of what I have been given. You have taught me that there is family in Jesus no matter where you are or what language you speak.

In the next few days I am going to Cambodia to spend a few days with Nhu before I go back to America. Please pray for Nhu, I know that she has been missing everyone here and is feeling lonely. After that I know that God wants me to go back to America for a while. I am excited to see my family and my friends, and people from my church. I have missed them so much. But I tell all of them, that it is so hard for me to leave here! I am still not sure what I will do when I get home, but I know that God knows. He has taught me, even more this year, to trust him when I don’t know what to expect or have a plan.

In that, I would really appreciate your prayers. That you would ask God to help direct me when I get back to America about what to do next. I need to find a job, and get used to living in America again. And I know that many of you are already praying for my husband to come – keep it up :). I have told some of you, but I will say it again. I might be old for not being married – 26 in Asia I know is SO old. But I promise all of you who are young and want to get married that it is worth the time to wait for a good man (or woman for the boys). I am waiting for a man who loves Jesus. Not who just says he is a Christian, but who really believes and loves with all his heart. I am waiting for a man who is a leader, and is strong, and who will support my heart for missions (and hopefully he will be handsome). I trust God that if He wants me to be married, he can help that man find me. I hope and pray that each of you would trust in the Lord and wait as well. It will be worth it and I will be praying for you too :)!

I feel comfortable saying this to you because you have become my family this year. You are my parents, my sisters, my brothers, just as real as my actual family in America. When I am here, I miss them. When I am there, I will miss you! It makes me so excited for Heaven when we will all be together again. We will all be together. We will worship and love together and our different culture and language will never be a problem.

Whether I see you again before Heaven or not is up to Jesus. I will be praying that He allows me to come back at some time, and I hope you will pray too. But you must know that I will always think of you in my prayers – for the rest of my life. Even fifty years from now, when we are all old, and I am really old… I will still think of you, because you changed my life. You have each touched my heart. Every single person in this room holds special memories for me, and every time I think of you, I will pray for you.

Ephesians 3:20-21.

I love you forever. <3

Dare to Dream... Again

Up until a week or two ago I was 100% unsure of what my life was going to look like when I return home to the USA just before Christmas. No car, no job, no idea of what direction I want to take with my life. My ideas about what I want my life to look like have been radically re-shaped this year and I know that it will probably take me a little while to transition back into American culture. In many ways, I am a walking contradiction when I think about the different things I want.

As someone who is a planner, and never really steps into a season before it has been fully planned out (I had my job at Enterprise lined up six months before I graduated) – I have had a strange peace about going home and having no idea what I am doing with my life. People may say that I am a ‘bum’ or that I am being irresponsible – but in my eyes, if there is one thing God has taught me this year, it is to trust Him in the unknown.

I have had a couple different ideas brewing in my mind of possible things that I can start looking into when I get back, but nothing concrete – all just potential potentials J. In some ways that has been good because it has allowed me to keep my focus here – to live in the moment with my kids while I still have time to do so.

THEN… last week I was re-reading a card that a friend from home sent me. She wrote: “You are an incredible example to me of someone living life by faith and daring to dream big with God.” The first time I read that, I had glossed over it as a nice thought from a good friend. The second time I read it – it sunk into my heart. I realized that I was not living up to this! I am here because I allowed myself to dream in the LORD last year and He moved in ways I would have previously thought impossible. Somewhere along the road this year, I had lost sight of that lesson, and had forgotten to trust God with things that seemed out of my reach. That morning, I began letting myself dream again - some reoccurring, some new or re-shaped.

I am now SO excited about some of the things that are in the works over the next few months. Lord Willing, I will be going on three short-term missions trips (Cambodia, Haiti, and back here to Thailand), and will be volunteering for the Missions Admin team at Solid Rock. I am excited to be based in America and plan to soak up time with friends, family, and church community. But I know that my heart still lies in international missions. The idea of being at home is energizing, but the idea of still being sent out is electrifying.

He is reviving me all over again and showing me that He can give me more than I can ever ask or imagine if I let HIM work out the details and stop worrying about how it's not possible. I find myself so blessed to serve a Master who delights in our joy and longs to bring glory to himself by giving us the desires of our heart, when our hearts are aligned with His. SOOO awesome ~ I feel so spoiled!

I still clearly don’t have everything figured out (a car and a job are still major prayer requests), but I know where my heart lies. I have direction regarding what is important to me, and everything else will just be details, and will probably change shape anyways as I re-transition back into life in the US.

                  

Trusting Him, and excited to continue to step out in faith daring to dream…